Politics: Please Attack Appalachia

Mike Bryan has written a hysterical piece entitled "Please Attack Appalachia", courtesy of Commondreams.org. Read the whole thing, but check out these excerpts:

Mr. President, please attack Appalachia.

You have promised the Iraqis that they will share in the wealth of their oil. We could use some of that same sharing here. We have coal and timber that is being extracted, yet very little of the profits remain in our area. If the Iraqis are to share in the profits from their natural resources, we would like to share in the profits from ours.

You have promised healthcare for all Iraqis. We could use the same thing here. Far too many of us are without health insurance and adequate access to good healthcare facilities. You have also promised to rebuild the schools in Iraq. We too have schools that need rebuilt and that need more funding.
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You might experience some local militia counterstrikes, but those will probably be disorganized and minor. After all, Appalachia lacks any central command, what with its being comprised of the parts of twelve states and only the whole of one state. West Virginia could be your focus. Find someone evil there to target, such as Jay Rockefeller.

He asked the FBI to investigate those forged documents you used to help justify your war against Iraq. How embarrassing that must have been: International Atomic Energy Agency Chief Mohamed ElBaradei addressed the UN and publicly humiliated you by showing your assertion that Iraq was trying to import uranium from Niger was based on crudely faked information. Someone should pay for such an embarrassment and who better than a Democrat who is a Rockefeller?

So Mr. President, you have all the elements you need: weapons of mass destruction, a nearly third world enemy, potential terrorists, someone to call evil, and an easy path to victory. Now all you have to do is attack. And please, do it soon. We need the reparations, better schools, better infrastructure, universal healthcare, and a fair share in the wealth of our own resources.

You also promised Iraq democracy. We could use that here as well.

Please, Mr. President, attack Appalachia next.